better late than never?

So, I promised I would write in this thing to update people on my adventures in Utah, and yet I haven't managed to keep up my end of that bargain...

Utah has been interesting, and it's crazy to me to think that I've been here for almost a year. It's been a difficult journey, and I have struggled with the reasons that God brought me here every step of the way. I still struggle with trying to figure it all out, with trying to make the pieces fall into place in my mind. I still ask myself why I'm here, and what I could possibly get out of this experience other than a Master's degree -- which, I'm not quite sure is enough of a reason to stay here, but right now it's the only thing keeping me here.

I forget sometimes the good things I do have here though, good friends, a pretty good cohort, a supportive and caring faculty. I'm blessed -- even when I have difficulty seeing it.

I'm moving out of the Newman Center this week, thankfully. That's probably been the hardest thing about my move to Utah -- the slow disillusionment of my faith. Living in a church and seeing the politics that go into running a church, and all the things that go on behind the scenes, things that are not Christ-like, and don't really emulate what the church stands for -- that has been such a heart-breaking experience, and I have, in turn, distanced myself from God and from that deep faith I once had. I distanced myself from Him at the time that I needed him the most. But, slowly and surely, the last couple of weeks have lit a fire in me for God and a hope for the future that I have been lacking. Thank God for small miracles; my small miracle is moving out into my new apartment.

Anyway, I think that's good for now. I'll try for more later.

Heart.
-Dania-